{"id":18774,"date":"2022-05-25T15:31:05","date_gmt":"2022-05-25T20:31:05","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/pillarscommunityhealth.org\/?p=18774"},"modified":"2022-07-15T17:17:01","modified_gmt":"2022-07-15T22:17:01","slug":"how-to-talk-to-children-about-tragic-events","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/pillarscommunityhealth.org\/es\/how-to-talk-to-children-about-tragic-events\/","title":{"rendered":"How to Talk To Children About Tragic Events"},"content":{"rendered":"

by Michelle Halm, MA, M.Ed, PEL, CT, Director, Buddy’s Place<\/p>\n

In the wake of yet another mass shooting, many of us are experiencing a range of emotions from anger to fear, to despair.\u00a0 As adults, we find that even amid our struggle to understand these senseless acts, we have to respond to the needs of the children around us. It might be tempting to tell them they don\u2019t need to worry, that they are safe, but it is not that simple.<\/p>\n

I have read the Dear Lilly letter<\/a> written by Donna Schuurman at the Dougy Center<\/a> and it speaks to my feelings at this time, the sense of safety has been violated.\u00a0 Having conversations around tragedies and violent events is difficult and often does not happen because we do not know what to say. But not saying anything is not helpful, we need<\/em> to have these conversations. We would like to share some resources to help you have these complex conversations:<\/p>\n

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How to Talk To Children About Tragic Events<\/h3>\n

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Choose a comfortable setting:\u00a0<\/strong>You will want to pick a quiet time and place where the child will feel at ease to listen and share. The presence of sensitive and trusted adults is important in the first conversations after a tragedy.\u00a0 Set a calm tone with soothing words. If your role allows, hold, and comfort the child.<\/p>\n

Start with questions:<\/strong>\u00a0Ask the child what they know about the event and what questions or concerns they may have. \u201cWhat have you heard about this?\u201d Follow their lead as to what questions they need answered.<\/p>\n

Provide age-appropriate details:<\/strong>\u00a0Provide truthful information and clear up any misconceptions the child may have. Placing blame is not helpful. Avoid\u00a0euphemisms like, \u2018Passed away\u2019, \u2018lost\u2019\u00a0or ‘She’s\/they\u2019re in a better place,’ because they can be confusing for young children. It\u2019s also okay to say \u201cI don\u2019t know\u201d if you don\u2019t have the answer to one of their questions. Leave out graphic details and instead provide simple facts:<\/p>\n

\u201cThere was a very sad event that happened at _______. A person used a gun to hurt and kill people. It is difficult to understand why someone would want to cause harm like this.\u201d\u00a0<\/em><\/p>\n

Share your feelings:\u00a0<\/strong>Sharing how you feel gives permission to your child to open up and express their feelings about the event. Let the child know that you may also be sad or frustrated at times and talk about what you will do to take care of yourself when you are having\u00a0big feelings.<\/p>\n

Explore their feelings together:<\/strong>\u00a0Invite children to express their feelings through\u00a0art<\/strong><\/a>,\u00a0journaling<\/strong><\/a>,\u00a0identifying the color or their emotions<\/strong><\/a>, or through play with stuffed animals. Support children in talking about how they feel, in their words. Listen openly and validate their feelings.<\/p>\n

\u201c<\/span><\/em>\u201cFeeling angry and sad is natural after hearing about or experiencing a scary event. What other words describe how you are feeling?\u201d<\/em><\/p>\n

Be prepared for possible reactions:\u00a0<\/strong>Every child will respond differently based upon several factors, but here are some more common developmental reactions:<\/p>\n